Fruit Salad On My Head

So, earlier this past week my dad took me back to Dr. Evil and the reason for everything that is bad in the world. It seems my mom had discovered a strange red bump on my tail. She was further concerned when she noticed that the hair around that spot was missing. I tried to explain to her that it was all part of my "chewing and licking" treatment and a second opinion was unnecessary but as usual no one paid attention to me. Therefore, I was packed up and forcibly taken to that place of doom. Dr. Horrendous explained to my dad that it is a common condition among older dogs (I thought that was a rather rude and ageist comment). No one knows why us mature and wise dogs of a certain age get them but they aren't anything to worry about. He did give me a cream that I can use twice a day and though I won't say it's soothing and comforting I won't put up too much of a fight if they want to put it on my tail again.

However, the worst part was yet to come. After my tail was all set he checked my ears and saw I had a bit of wax build up that was hardening in one of them. I don't know what the big deal is all about since once you're able to get it out you have a nice natural snack. Anyway, the doctor then proceeded to do something so humiliating, so embarrassing, I will never forgive him! He took a liquid and sprayed it in my ear. Now, that's not the part that robbed me of all my dignity. No, the worst part is that it was berry scented! Can you believe that!?!?! Not that I have anything against berries per say. Quite the opposite. I find them tasty and delicious, but that doesn't mean I want my head to smell like a giant berry. I mean, what am I supposed to do with that? Where on my collar does it say that my name is Chiquita Banana? At least she had an excuse for why her head smelled like she had a fruit salad up there. Because she did! I have no portable snack tray a-top my head so I don't appreciate smelling as if I did. It's just undignified is what it is. Jeez, in the wild I would be killed for this. Why not make the spray smelly garbage scented? At least that way I can hold on to some shred of self-respect in this life.

Flash's Tip of the Day:
Berry in the mouth? Yes, please.
Berry in the ear? I'll kill you!